And You Thought Your Life Sucked!

I'm torn...
I'm debating whether to let people, other than Michele and the 6 people I e-mail the updates to, read my journal. Part of me wants to just make it public instead of keeping it like a diary that only a few people can see so there can be more discussions and yadda yadda yadda, but the other part of me is having a meltdown at the mere thought of people reading my thoughts, ramblings, and struggles as I'm usually a pretty guarded person...well that and I'd have to go in and give everyone "secret" nicknames...then again, everyone knows their nicknames soooo...haha well you know how that goes. I dunno, I've been debating this for months. I fear that people who don't know me will take things I write the wrong way, or not get my humor...or that they just don't get me in general so while my close friends read my journals and laugh because they get it, strangers might be like "what a psycho" or god knows what else. Bah, in other news I'm finally taking everyones advice and making an effort to get to know new people, and just trying to be more trusting and stop holding my cards so close. I'm going out of my way to say hi to random people and trying not to be so shy. Sometimes it works, other times I bolt and it ends in a blaze of flames. Baby steps people. Baby steps. Sigh, what an indecisive day I'm having, along with the train wreck that is currently unfolding. I was sobbing the entire time I wrote my last update a couple of hours ago, it's just been one of THOSE days I guess. It amazes me how some people can be so oblivious. I'm going to go on thinking they are oblivious, because if they aren't then that just means that they are cruel...and I don't want to think that. Not yet. Even though, it probably really is true...thoughts? Hey fuck it, I'm going to make THIS post public and then maybe it will give me the confidence to go all out haha...or not. That's how I roll =)

Current Mood: listless
Current Music: Aquaduct - you can thank Greg Doom for this

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